The Mental Health Foundation reports that around three-quarters of registered suicides in England and Wales are men (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026). Part of what makes this harder to catch early is that men's distress doesn't always look like sadness. It's Movember, so this is a good moment to talk about what that can actually look like, and how to start a conversation without making it a big, awkward thing.
Who this is for
You've noticed someone, a partner, a friend, a brother, a colleague, seeming different lately: more irritable, more withdrawn, working longer hours than usual, drinking a bit more, and you're not sure whether it's worth saying something or whether you're overthinking it. This is also for any man reading this who recognises some of it in himself.
Why men's distress can look different
The Mental Health Foundation explains that depression and stress in men often show up differently than the low mood or tearfulness more commonly associated with the condition. Common presentations include irritability, sudden anger, a sense of losing control, risk-taking, and aggression, rather than obvious sadness (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026). Men are also more likely to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or to bury themselves in work, rather than talking about how they're feeling.
This matters because it means the signs are easy to miss, or easy to read as something else entirely, a short temper, a heavier drinking week, "just being busy at work", rather than a signal that someone is struggling.
Why men are less likely to say something
Part of this comes down to expectation rather than choice. The Mental Health Foundation points to societal pressure on men to be "the breadwinners" and to be "strong, dominant and in control," which discourages admitting to struggling in the first place (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026). That pressure doesn't mean men don't want support. Research the Foundation points to shows men do engage with help that's easy to access and doesn't feel clinical or heavy, community-based approaches like Men's Sheds are one example of something that works precisely because it doesn't ask someone to sit down and talk about feelings directly (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
How to start the conversation
There's no single right way to do this, but a few things tend to help. Bringing it up sideways, alongside doing something together, a walk, a drive, a pint, rather than sitting someone down for "a talk," often feels less loaded. Naming something specific you've noticed, rather than a general "are you okay," gives someone something concrete to respond to. And being ready to simply listen, rather than immediately trying to fix it, matters more than having the right advice.
If someone opens up and it sounds serious, the Mental Health Foundation's practical suggestions are a good starting point: encouraging a GP visit, looking at simple changes like more physical activity, and knowing that organisations like CALM and Samaritans exist for anyone who needs to talk to someone outside their own circle (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
Men are three times more likely than women to die by suicide in the UK, and it's the leading cause of death for men under 50 (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026). Distress in men often shows up as irritability, anger, risk-taking or increased drinking rather than obvious sadness, which can make it harder to spot. Social expectations around being strong and in control are a major reason men are less likely to talk about struggling, though research shows men do engage with support that's easy to access and doesn't feel overly clinical. A GP visit, more physical activity, and organisations such as CALM and Samaritans are practical starting points if someone you know, or you yourself, is struggling (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
Samaritans: call 116 123, free, any time, day or night, or visit samaritans.org.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably): call 0800 58 58 58, 5pm to midnight every day, or use the webchat at thecalmzone.net.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
Questions people often ask
Often, yes, at least in how it shows up. The Mental Health Foundation notes that men's distress more commonly presents as irritability, anger, risk-taking or increased drinking, rather than the low mood or tearfulness more often associated with depression (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
Social expectations play a large part. The Mental Health Foundation points to pressure on men to be strong, in control and the primary provider, which can make admitting to struggling feel like a failure rather than a normal thing to say out loud (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
Increased irritability or anger, drinking more than usual, withdrawing from people, burying themselves in work, or taking more risks than they normally would are all worth noticing, according to the Mental Health Foundation (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
CALM and Samaritans both offer confidential support to anyone struggling, and a GP is a good first point of contact for anything more ongoing. Community-based groups, such as Men's Sheds, are also cited as an approach many men find easier to engage with than formal talking therapy (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2026).
Bringing it up alongside doing something together, rather than as a sit-down talk, and naming something specific you've noticed rather than a general "are you okay," tends to feel less loaded. Being ready to listen matters more than having the right thing to say.
This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you are concerned about a specific symptom, please see a GP or other qualified healthcare provider.